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Fri, Aug. 4th, 2006, 10:27 pm
the_ambush_bug: Ambush Bug Presents - Episode 4

An unseen announcer kicks things off this week. "Now, it's time for Late Night With Ambush Bug! With Max Houngan and the Max Houngan Seven!" With that, the camera pans over the band area, showing Houngan and his synthesizer next to six empty music stands. "Now here he is.. AM-Bush Bug!"

Ambush Bug dances a little jig as he walks to center stage, wearing a three-piece suit over the usual green accoutrements.

"Wow, I think we have a great audience here tonight." Applause. "No no, seriously. This might be the best audience that mankind has ever assembled." More applause. "If this was a Justice League line-up, you guys would totally be the Magnificent Seven version. And I'd be Plastic Man." Laughter and applause.

"Just here to amuse you by turning into lewd objects - 'Hey is that Plastic Man?' 'Either him, or Diana's got a kinky side we don't know about.'"

He rocks back and forth on his heels. "We've got a great show for you tonight. Our theme is obscure characters, as a kind of salute to those who wouldn't get mentioned at CapeCon, which I recently attended.." Applause. Someone in the crowd yells 'CapeCon RULES!' Bug gestures to the man, off-camera. "Booster Gold, ladies and gentlemen." Laughter.

"Well, like I said, I think it's a great show - going to do some classic bits I've ripped off of a certain late night host, and later on in the program, I may just take some phonecalls as usual. So stick around, we'll be right back." The crowd applauds and cheers, and Houngan plays the show out to commercial.

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 02:53 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: First Commercial

"Troubled by unsightly growths?"

The screen displays a picture of ankles, with wings growing from them.

"Extra appendages got you down?"

Another picture, of a blue spade-tipped tail.

"Then come on down to Dr. Niles Caulder. Dr. Caulder has years of experience dealing with metahuman reconstructive surgery. And the rumors of a high mortality rate are just that - rumors. Why, just listen to this testimonial!"

A silhouetted, but obviously robotic figure appears on the screen. "Yeah, the Doc was able to give me a whole new body, after my wreck. Which he may have caused. But still, a great surgeon!"

The contact information for the clinic appears on the screen. "If you feel like a freak of nature, just call on Caulder. You won't feel that way for much longer."

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 02:58 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: Second Commercial

"Next Week on Jerry Springer - a woman whose lover is made up of parts from four different alien species! And she is Ultra-creeped out."

Cut to a clip featuring a teary-eyed woman. "You know, Jerry, I just don't know which ear to talk into sometimes. And whose hand is he touching me with? It's .. It's just so disgusting." She breaks down into sobs.

"Tune in for 'Women and the Multi-Aliens who love them', next week on Springer."

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)

The show returns, the camera focusing in on Ambush Bug behind a standard talk-show desk. The crowd is applauding.

"And we're back! Nice to be back, really. CapeCon was a blast, and I got to have a little fun masquerading as a cosmic entity, which is always fun. Did you get to go, Houngan?"

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 03:05 am (UTC)

The camera switches to him, as he nods, grinning toothily. "Ya, mon. I got plenty of de action figures. Good for de voodoo."

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 03:55 am (UTC)

"Allrighty! Well, I tried to schedule an interesting guest for tonight's show - the Silent Knight. His story was that he hid his identity under a helmet, and could not speak, lest his princess lady-love discover his true identity. Apparently, someone's been slipping lead into the Daily Planet water cooler - all it takes to fool Lois is a pair of spectacles." Laughter.

"So, intead, we move on to a little bit originally called 'In the Year 2000' by the show that shall remain nameless. Of course, here, we call it 'Armageddon 2001'."

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 03:57 am (UTC)

The lights dim, and Houngan intones in a falsetto : "Ar-ma-geddon, 2001"

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 04:14 am (UTC)

The lights come up once more.

"Allrighty! Enough ripping off of other, better shows. Let's see if we have any callers of interest this evening. Feel free to give us a buzz down here at the studio."

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)

"Yeah, I've been trying to remember this obscure character ... funny guy, wears sort of a green scuba suit?"

Sat, Aug. 5th, 2006 04:22 am (UTC)

"Oh, you mean Swamp Thing. No, that's really his skin, ma'am."

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)

"Allrighty! Any other callers out there?"

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC)

Uh, yeah, hi. Long-time listener, first-time caller.

What's the lamest superpower you've ever heard of? The lamest I can come up with is blind teleportation. What kind of loser can't even predict where he'll end up?

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 07:07 pm (UTC)

"That's an excellent question. Blind teleportation is nowhere near the bottom of the rung. I mean, we've got Fish Telepathy, for cryin out loud.."

The Bug ponders.

"And there's super-hypnosis, which apparently only makes people too addled to see through cheap disguises.. but y'know, the one that gets me is Daredevil. He's blind, and his power is that he can usually see? Granted, it's all-around vision, but yikes! Not a good tradeoff."

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)

"Hey, there, AB, just heard about your show. Loved the opening stuff! I was wondering your opinion: ugliest costume that wasn't Daredevil's. I'm going to have to with Fake Batman's Armor Full O' Spikes, myself, but you are the man."

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)

"Baby, you are not even close. The Bat's made a few tragic fashion mistakes, but - in a nice segue back to the theme of obscure characters - the winner has to be this man."

He holds up a photo of Captain Ultra.

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 07:25 pm (UTC)

A young male's voice on the line:

Yeah, yeah, I get ... Hello? Hey. So it's about obscure characters, huh? Have you ever wondered about those guys? Do they just give up and move to Hoboken? And if so, what makes them come out of retirement again later to try and take over the world again?

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 07:29 pm (UTC)

"Usually they lay low for a while, until they can wrangle a cameo appearance in someone else's domain. They have to show up every so often to maintain their own copyrights, of course, and most are careful about that."

"Is this who I think it is? Shouldn't you have some kind of deep-seated fear of phones?"

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)

Though it lacks the usual pauses, the voice is nonetheless possibly familiar in its croakiness.

"So. The Phantom Stranger. What do you think his origin really is?"

Thu, Aug. 10th, 2006 01:03 am (UTC)

"I think the power's all in the hat. I mean, you never see the guy without it! It must be some kind of arcane chapeau. Like, Merlin's hat. Merlin always struck me as a fedora guy.."

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 08:57 pm (UTC)

The voice on the line is that of a young woman. Somewhere in the background might be the sound of a fourth wall breaking.

"Oh, yeah, hi. Right. First time caller. I think what bugs me most about being an obscure charcters are the ones that disappear without a trace and never get mentioned again. Even the ones who should get mentioned from time to time by people they were close to. Like, friends or former teammates or big brothers whose lives they saved." A cough. "Err. Right. So, do you have any favorite obscure characters?"

Thu, Aug. 10th, 2006 01:05 am (UTC)

Ambush Bug collects fourth wall shards as a hobby.

"Well, my lil' buddy Cheeks is kind of obscure, and I'm rather partial to him. Apart from that, I like the zanies - The Heckler.. Madcap.. Ooh, Slapstick! He's the man."

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 09:35 pm (UTC)

"So some comics company has a rule on how many apes, monkeys, chimps, etcetera, can be on the cover of their comics in a given month. Because it's been statistically proven that non-human primates sell comics. Why do you think that is?"

Thu, Aug. 10th, 2006 01:27 am (UTC)

"Oh come on? Wouldn't you want to be a chimp if you could be? Just hanging out, climbing trees, eating.. flinging cr-.. er, insults.."

Thu, Aug. 10th, 2006 01:39 am (UTC)

"Hi! Hope you can help, took me a lotta work to be able to phone this call in..." Goes one voice that might be familiar to a select few listeners.

"Coming back from the dead. Tips on how to do it?"

Thu, Aug. 10th, 2006 01:44 am (UTC)

"Woo. That's a toughie. Depends on how high a profile you have - obscure types can just sneak back into the world of the living sometimes, nobody notices. Your A and B-listers, though - well, either hope you've got mystically inclined friends, or try to make a pact with Death. I hear she's a heck of a chess player.."

Fri, Aug. 11th, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC)

"Why is a a raven like a writing desk?"

It's his standard opener, but it works.

Fri, Aug. 11th, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC)

"Neither is an elephant. What's up, my man?"

Sat, Aug. 12th, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)

"Well folks, it's been a lot of laughs, but I think it's about that time again - time to close down, turn off the lights, and shuffle home to watch re-runs of the Mickey Mouse club."

There's a crash, off-camera, and Ambush Bug leans forward over the host's desk to peer at the source of the disturbance. "What the..?"

Sat, Aug. 12th, 2006 02:48 am (UTC)


Crashing onto the set is Ambush Bug's one-time co-host - Manny the Manhunter!

He looms menacingly. "WRONGFUL... TERMINATION."