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Sun, May. 14th, 2006, 07:01 pm
the_ambush_bug: Ambush Bug Presents #3



The music begins to play. The lights come up, revealing a stage, backed by red curtains.

From offstage, a booming voice announces. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's that time again - it's Ambush Bug Presents, with your host, Ambush Bug! And now, Heeeeeeeeere's Buggy!"


Ambush Bug emerges from the curtains, wearing a blazer and trousers over the usual green suit, and does a little golf-swing.

As the applause from the studio audience dies down, he speaks. "Thanks, Ed. And remember to lay off the beer before the Clydesdales start looking attractive." Canned Laughter.

His hands in his pockets, he rocks back and forth on his feet a little, mimicking Carson's mannerisms. "Looks like a great audience tonight. Surprised to see so many of you turn out this evening, since it was so hot in Los Angeles today."

He pauses.

After a long, awkward moment, a stagehand yells from offstage. "How hot was it?"

He gives the stagehand a little grin and nod of thanks. "It was so hot, I saw Fire wearing Ice!"

A chorus of boos.

"Aw, c'mon, I thought you guys liked a little lesbian humor. Good thing I changed the joke, originally I was going to say 'licking!'"

He waits for the audience to calm down. "We've got a great show for you tonight - our little salute to the 1980's, and the premiere super-teens of that era, the Teen Titans! If you happen to notice your TV options suddenly narrowing down, forcing you to watch our program, don't worry. That's just the Crisis on Infinite Channels."

"And if you don't like the result, we can get Superboy to punch the schedule and see what shakes loose."

"Before we move along, I'd like to introduce my new bandleader, all the way from Jamaica, it's Houngan!"

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

The camera pans over to the villain, working away behind a mix of synthesizers and steel drums.

"Ya, nice to be here, mon. I don't get near enough screen time dese days."

The accent is pronounced.

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Wait, wait. Hold the phone. Didn't we do this gag last time, with Mr. Sonar? Sheesh, that guy even lied about where he was from. Let me guess, you were dubbed for American audiences?"

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

"No way, mon. In addition to me college education, I graduated from Julliard. I can do lots of accents. I just talk dis way to be more comfy."

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"College, eh? What did you study?"

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Allright! Well, I tried to arrange a very special co-host for this week's show, but he was overpowered by his sideburns at the last moment. Still, I've managed to get him on the phone, so.. say hello, Jericho!"

Silence.

"Jericho?"

"Jerry?"

"Jer?"

"Juh?"

There's a pained glance to the audience, and a swift decision. "Okay, on with the next segment!"

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:32 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

There's a zip-pan, and the sound of a teleportation, and the camera finds Ambush Bug standing behind a little table, wearing a turban.

He holds an envelope up to the turban. "Pantha, Baby Wildebeest, and Lambda Lambda Lambda."

He opens the envelope, taking out the paper inside and reading it aloud. "Name a cat, a brat, and a frat."

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:34 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

He plays another drum sting.

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:36 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Allright! Well, since I couldn't get a co-host, I decided you folks should get a little more for your entertainment dollar, so I booked a guest! That's right - and keeping with this week's theme, here he is - the most deadly foe the Teen Titans have ever faced - Slade Wilson!"

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:47 pm (UTC)
wadewilson

From behind the curtain, Deadpool steps out, dressed to the nines, but with the pelt of Anime Emoticon Beast Boy from that cartoon slung over his shoulder, spinning a gun on his finger, snapping rhythmically with the other hand.

Humming his own theme song. "BAAAAH ba-ba DAAAH daaaaa... da da-da-da DAH-DAAAAAAH"

Or maybe Johnny Carson's theme.

Sun, May. 14th, 2006 11:50 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

Ambush Bug leads the applause, but the audience seems to falter, puzzled at the unfamiliar figure before them.

He moves to sit behind the big desk, taking up the cards with interview questions. "Please, please, have a seat."

Mon, May. 15th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC)
wadewilson

Deadpool hops up on the Bug's desk, struts over it, and plops down into the seat next to him, putting his feet up on the table.

"Buggaboo! Ya buggin' what ya buggin' who ya buggin' me and can't ya see it ain't cool! What's the haps, my good man?"

He slaps the pelt down on the desk (incidentally, the face on the pelt is going ;_;) and pats the Bug on the head. "I come bearing gifts! Now can we get one of those hot-ass orange chicks to come bare something else?"

Mon, May. 15th, 2006 01:26 am (UTC)
starfire_kory

"Deathstroke!" The studio doors burst into flame as Starfire enters. "You motherless--"

Pause in midair.

"You're not Deathstroke." Angry glare at the Bug. "You lied."

Mon, May. 15th, 2006 01:30 am (UTC)
jla_villains

He manages to pull himself off of the floor long enough to play a dramatic music sting.

"Dun Dun DUNNNNN!"

Mon, May. 15th, 2006 01:31 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Lied? What?"

He blinks, torn between being afraid of the angry orange lady, and looking with confusion at his guest. "You're Slade Wilson, right?"

Tue, May. 16th, 2006 02:42 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Well, well, well! A real live Teen Titan. That sorta makes up for the whole not-Deathstroke thing, right?"

The audience applauds weakly.

"And while we bid them adieu, and offer some lovely parting gifts for not blowing us all to smithereens, I'll open the lines up for phone calls."

Tue, May. 16th, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC)
lord_neron

"Yes, I have a question."

Wed, May. 17th, 2006 01:50 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Well, the phone lines don't seem to be heating up this evening. I think we'll cut to commercial. Our Teen Titans show is brought to you by Geritol, and Depends!"

Wed, May. 17th, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: The First Commercial

Ambush Bug stands in a suit, looking at enlarged black and white photos of Robin and Aqualad. He then "notices" the camera.

"Oh, hello there, folks. Say, are you a superhero? Do you have a sidekick? Would you like him or her to show an inappropriate amount of leg? Here at the Zanes corporation, we make underwear. Even the kind you wear on the outside."

"We have lines of kevlar unmentionables that will keep your sidekick's behind covered - barely. Available in standard brief, or bikini cut for that edgier, Iron Age feel."

Wed, May. 17th, 2006 01:59 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: The Second Commercial

Ambush Bug, in the same suit, stands behind a desk, peering at blueprints. The buildings all appear to have letter shapes.

A voiceover begins. "When you're looking for that special headquarters design to give your team a signature flair, remember Unpossible Architecture. From A-Frames to the Zoo Crew's HQ, we build it all. Concerned about expense, or don't need much space? We can now build in lower-case."

"Unpossible Architecture. For a Headquarters that fits you to a T."

Wed, May. 17th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: The Third Commercial

Ambush Bug appears, dressed as a common housewife, over his everpresent green suit. He goes through a variety of tedious household chores.

Voiceover: "Tired of the the work-aday life? The boring sameness got you down?"

He turns to the camera and nods eagerly, wiping his forehead with his forearm.

Vocieover: "Time to enjoy a nice, relaxing bubble bath."

There's a scene-cut to the Bug, relaxing in a tub full of bubbles, stretching out his leg. "Ahhh. Trigon, take me away!"

A swirling portal opens, tendrils of shadow bursting forth and wrapping around the hapless Bug, dragging him into the void. The camera closes in on the pentagram-covered box of Trigon™ brand bubblebath.

Wed, May. 17th, 2006 02:18 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Allright, we're back in the studio - remember, if you're within the sound of my voice, you can call in and get your questions answered. Phone lines are open to everybody."

He plays with a yo-yo as he waits for any further callers.

Thu, May. 18th, 2006 03:42 pm (UTC)
jla_extras

"Hello? Am I on the air?"

Thu, May. 18th, 2006 03:55 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Well! I think that concludes this little installment. I'd like to thank Deadpool for being such a good sport, and the two fine Tamaranean mamma-jammas who stopped by. I'd like to thank Houngan for surviving, so we didn't have to fulfill that sudden death clause in his contract."

He prances across the stage to the center.

"Tune in next time, I think we're going to do something much the same, but a little bit different. Stay tuned for the new reality show showing just what happens to retired teen superheros - it's Quizno's Manager Robbie Reed, in 'Dial 'G' for Gyro!'"

"Staaaay freaky!"