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Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006, 11:45 am
the_ambush_bug: Ambush Bug Presents - Episode 2



Somber music plays as a man with antennae, in silhouette, steps in front of the half-drawn caricature.

The lights come up as he turns to face the camera, and speaks in a faux British accent.

"Good evening."

"To-night on our show, we will be dealing with matters of cosmic importance."

The accent is discarded, and the Bug grows more animated. "Green Lanterns, High Beings, all that ricketa-racketa." He gestures vaguely, to emphasize his point.

Offstage, an assistant audibly whispers. "HighER beings!"

Ambush Bug chuckles. "Oh, right, right - but you can't tell me that Highfather isn't toking up on New Genesis. I mean, look at the name! And I'm pretty sure his hair is in dreadlocks. Even the beard! That's just gross."

He walks towards the right of the screen, the camera panning to follow him - revealing a standard talk-show desk and couch set. "So, we've got a new setup for the show, and we're not pre-empting any specials about dull dramatic movies. Yes, I did fire Cheeks as my bandleader, but he's still with us, as Executive Producer.. you wouldn't believe the contract he had! We'll be taking calls a little later on, I'll let you know when. First, I'd like to introduce my new co-host!"

The camera pans, and a curtain rolls back, revealing the familiar crimson form of a Manhunter android.

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

"NO MAN ESCAPES THE MANHUNTERS!"

Ambush Bug's co-host lurches forward aggressively.

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Manny.. Manny.. calm down, now, Manny. I know you're upset about the whole Green Lantern war thing.." He gestures towards the couch. "Why don't you just take a seat, and we'll talk things over. Remember? Just like we discussed. You co-host, you get the oil can."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:30 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

The video feed once again shifts to Ambush Bug's set.

"Whoa ho, looks like the competition is really.. uh.. competitive, this year. We'll rejoin those fellows a little later on in the show - if I know the Stranger, he'll be a while unspinning that yarn."

He again adopts Alfred Hitchcock's accent. "And now, a few words from our sponsors."

He glances to Sonar, and speaks in his normal voice again. "Allright, play us out to commercial."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:31 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

Sonar looks at the array of instruments before him, apparently baffled, as the program cuts away to the commercials without any special musical accompaniment.

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: First Commercial

Ambush Bug appears on the screen, in a three piece suit, leaning against a desk.

"Hello, friends. Do you face sexual harrassment in your place of cosmic business? Do your fellow Corpsmen make lewd insinuations? Are there a L.E.G.I.O.N. of people you have to avoid just to maintain a positive work attitude?"

He stands, moving over to a wall of legal books. "Are you subjected to space-age profanities like Frak, Frell, Sprock, or even .. Poozer?"

Beaming, he jerks his thumb at his chest. "Then call us! Here at the law firm of Peters, Schwartz, and Wang, we're here to help you live a life free of space-age innuendo. We're a firm that will work long and hard, until you're satisfied! Remember, that's Peters, Schwartz, and Wang!"

The commercial cuts to a screen displaying contact information for the firm.

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:45 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug: Second Commercial

Ambush Bug appears, wearing a chef's hat, standing in a kitchen. Displayed on the counter before him is an array of knives.

"Planning to do a little cooking? Then you can't go wrong with our Nth-su kitchen knives! Made from authentic Thanagarian metal, these knives are guaranteed never to chip, crack, dull, or rust!"

Taking a tomato from a bowl, he slices it cleanly and thinly. "And it can cut a tin can, or a Khund Battlecruiser, as easily as this tomato! Only $19.95 for the whole set - and we'll throw in a free apron. Order now!"

Contact information is displayed, and a rapid voiceover announces: "Caution. Nth-su knives may cause certain side-effects, including but not limited to enhanced strength, levitation, and an endless cycle of reincarnation and complicated continuity."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

The show returns. Ambush Bug is in the middle of a tirade, directed at his bandleader.

"- what do you mean you don't know how to play the keyboards? You're Sonar! The 'Master of Sound'?"

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:51 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

He shuffles uncomfortably. "Am sorry! Use sonic gun, title seem appropriate. Never have time for piano lessons."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 04:58 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Geez, you're breaking me here, Manny. But okay. Two oil can it is."

Leaving his co-host to deal with his bandleader, Ambush Bug turns toward the camera again. "Ah, I see we're back - well, we're going to open up the phone lines now, so if you've got a comment, question, suggestion, or other tidbit you'd like to share with TV-Land, give us a buzz."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 06:06 pm (UTC)
lanternslight

"Yeah, I've got a question for your co-host..."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC)
jla_villains

Ambush Bug steps aside as the camera pans over to Manny, who has a deathgrip on Sonar's neck.

"QUESTION. ASK."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 06:40 pm (UTC)
au_booster

*phone click*

Yeah, question over here!

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 06:42 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

Ambush Bug smiles. "Yes, caller, please go ahead."

Wed, Apr. 12th, 2006 11:57 pm (UTC)
_black_canary_

"Hello? Dial-a-Horoscope?"

Thu, Apr. 13th, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Nooo, this is Ambush Bug Presents. But I can take a shot at foretelling the future. What's your sign?"

Thu, Apr. 13th, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

He heads back to the desk, hopping up to sit on it, swinging his feet.

"Well, we have a lull in fresh callers at the moment, so let's check back in with the 3M competition, shall we? I think the Stranger's about to finish his monologue."

Thu, Apr. 13th, 2006 02:44 pm (UTC)
jla_extras

The video feed cuts over to the competition, the Stranger standing before a starfield, arms crossed as he finishes his tale.

"... it was truly fortunate that I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the fashion at the time."

Thu, Apr. 13th, 2006 02:55 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

The starfield fades and the studio comes back into view, complete with a yawning Ambush Bug.

"Aaaah.. Oop! We're back. I expected the Stranger to turn that plug into a fifteen minute monologue on the virtues of cutlery."

He stretches, still seated on the desk. "Okay, we're still taking calls for just a bit longer, so if you've got any pressing questions, get them in now."

Thu, Apr. 13th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
bub_snikt

"Yeah, bub, is this the Impossible Man?"

Fri, Apr. 14th, 2006 04:13 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Why, sir, I am offended. The Impossible Man, fine character that he is, lacks for antennae! I am Ambush Bug - and while I have a great respect for IM's works, we are distinct entities."

He turns his head to the side, and mutters. "So far as you know."

Fri, Apr. 14th, 2006 04:32 am (UTC)
marvel_citizens

Hey, do you know where Ma Hunkle gets her pots?

Fri, Apr. 14th, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

He grows somber. "Well, I have heard it whispered, in hushed tones, that she has them forged by a clan of dwarves - forged from a meteoric steel that render them impervious to conventional weaponry, and allow them to heat food evenly."

He moves closer to the camera, peering at the viewers with one eye wide, one eye squinting. "And they say that the dwarves work solely for the pleasure of Ma Hunkel's cooking, and were she ever to stop sending them their weekly casserole, there would be hell to pay!"

Fri, Apr. 14th, 2006 09:19 pm (UTC)
_eric_cartman_

Dude, this is fuckin' sweet. I'm on television.

Fri, Apr. 14th, 2006 11:09 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Wow, quite a mouth on you there, Sailor. But say - I thought you were already on television? I wish I could pull in those kinds of ratings.."

Sun, Apr. 16th, 2006 02:26 am (UTC)
jla_goldenage

Hello, Ambush Bug? First time caller, long time fan.

Sun, Apr. 16th, 2006 03:30 am (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

"Wow, is this who I think it is? We had a caller inquiring about your cook-wear earlier.."

Sun, Apr. 16th, 2006 10:21 pm (UTC)
the_ambush_bug

He checks the invisible watch at his wrist. "Well, folks - I think it's about that time again. It's fun taking your calls and all, but other programs have to air. Never can tell when a rabid fan will threaten to mutilate you if you pre-empt something they like."

"Be sure to tune in next week when I'll probably have a new bandleader and new co-host, because.. well, let's face it, that's one of the running gags."

"And stay tuned right now, for the brand new sitcom, featuring Spider-Man, and Swamp Thing - The Adventures of Pete and Peat! Goodnight everybody!"

Grinning, he waves to the audience.